Got the Cow by the Tail

We are about halfway through calving, and things have been going pretty good, especially compared to last year.  Last year was the year of the backwards calves and I believe we had to pull 10 to 15 calves, which is not fun.  This year, so far, we have only pulled 3.  Last night we had to pull one.  The momma was a first year heifer, and her calf was BIG.  She was trying to have it on her own, but it was just not going to happen.  She would look at us with those big brown eyes, and it was like she was saying, "Can't you help me?",  "What the hell is going on?", "I want a spinal tap!", "Don't ever let those bulls next to me again!".  Ya, I know, can relate.  Anyways, we got her to the corral, and started the procedure.  Now my main job
during the pulling process is to hold her tail.   My Farmer is in the alleyway with the mechanical calf puller, and I am on the outside, standing up on the fence, holding the tail.  After the ob chains are hooked on to the calf and the puller, my Farmer starts ratcheting the calf out.  (I do have to say that I am SO gratefully that they do not have this for use on humans, but it is a great thing for cattle.)  Once the calf starts coming out, most of the time the cow will try to go down.  Since we are just in a small alleyway, we try not to let this happen.  This is where I come in.  As I said, my job is to hold the tail, so she does not go down.  So here I am, a 140 some pound older lady (I can't tell everything), standing up on the fence, holding up on the tail of a 1200 pound cow, as my Farmer is hollering "don't let her go down".  Ya, right!!  Usually about this time, one more thing happens, the cow has a (usually pretty loose) bowel movement.  And guess where it is aimed, especially with me holding the tail up!  Yep, straight at my Farmers face.  I have come to believe that us females stick together.  She does this because he is hollering at me!  (I should clarify that he really isn't hollering at me, it's just that things get a little tense during this process and voices have a tendency to go up.)  However, it is kind of funny.  So back to last nights calf, we finally got the little, actually large, little critter out.  (There were a few more intense moments and raised voices on both our parts, but at this point, I think it's best if I don't disclose everything.)  His head was really swollen from being in the birth canal for so long, but he was breathing and that's totally a good feeling.  It took the momma a little while to get back up (yes, I let her go down), but within 1 hour the baby had eaten, and all was right in their little world.  And all is right in our little world also,  my Farmer took me out to dinner........
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